Two Spoons - An Elegy For Grandma Irma

My grandmother was the last person
To see me eat soggy cereal
She knew I hated it
Told me
I should just use 2 bowls, 2 spoons
Milk on the left
Cereal on the right

Never told me I had to do it that way
Never said
“You don’t have to settle”
“You shouldn’t complain”
Never warned me off saying
I’d be teased about it all my life
Even if she thought it was silly at the time

And few moments in my life
Had any greater impact

My grandmother never had to tell me
“You can do anything”
In an era when women did not go to college
Did not become scientists
She went
Earned a PhD
Worked for the CDC as a biochemist

She never had to say
“It’ll all work out”
She loved and lost
Lived as a loner
She never gave up, gave in, caved, or complained
Not to me
Never bowed to anyone’s rules
Never let anyone tell her who she was
How to live her life

She never had to tell me
“See the world”
Her tracks were the colorful t-shirts
She sent us
Chronicling each adventure
I still remember the one from Holland
Puffy white windmill on light blue cotton
Like a cloud in the sky

She never had to sit me down and say
“Here’s how the world works”
She lived how the world works
Gave me the only example I’d ever need
Let me figure it out in my own time

Which is not to say she never spoke her mind
She always spoke her mind
Unfiltered
Always had an opinion
Gave it to you straight
Didn’t matter if you were just a kid
But her whole life was
“No one can tell you who you are”
“What you believe”

And there’s the secret
I think she knew
“You choose”
“Go make yourself proud”